Burning myself out.

My lower self is strong, at times, it seems too strong. But I understand from the lessons that I have the tools to overcome ALL adversity and weakness. I just have repetitiously use the tools to become stronger. People often say "Practice makes Perfect" but when you REALLY draw off that statement, it explains a lot.



If you can become perfect at something through practice, then why can't you perfect yourself, your soul? If practice is the only thing that separates us from perfection, then why don't we just practice mastering ourselves? Is it because we love the lower self? Do we love folly? Do we love carnal things? Do we love material things?

I had to be careful when I was burning myself out. I started to think that any social life was like folly and naught. And I almost started thinking aesthetically, I had to be careful not to. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION. But when you still have a slave mind like myself, it's hard to even be moderate in thy pleasures and such.


I'm glad that Gov. burned me (or what seemed to be me) out today. I gave up fasting because my lower self told me that I didn't need to. I haven't been reading my Quran because my lower self told me that I wouldn't even understand it anyways (which is in part true, but no excuse not to read). I just haven't been demonstrating. And then what also sickened me even more was when I reflected on the lesson that says "You are each a priest, just for yourself". So besides the guidance I've been getting from the Sheiks/Adepts I haven't even been gauging myself and being my own personal priest.

I'm going to focus my energy on finish off this month by fasting everyday until the end of the month and just being a personal priest just for myself. I'm contemplating going out of state to school next year, which means no guidance from the Sheiks/Adepts, so I have to really become my own priest.


I also have to burn myself out about girls. I keep telling myself how I want a girlfriend. How can I uphold having a "girlfriend" when I can't even circumscribe my own passions and desires and keep them within the bounds of reason??? It's illogical. Also, if I were to get a so called "girlfriend" she would have to be opened minded and study all true creeds. I can't have a Christian minded "girlfriend". I could if I wanted to, but I simply don't want one. I said Christian minded because if she's a Christian but she has an open mind/heart then she would be able to leave it for the truth, as I did. So unless I'm studying myself, getting a so called "girlfriend" would just be like the blind leading the blind. Another thing is, I don't even know if I'm going out of state or not for school, so this "girlfriend" would have to be going the same places as me. I can't have a "girlfriend" who has no dreams, goals, aspirations to leave the house and travel and go to college(University).


Anyways, I'm just really upset/angry/disappointed with myself for not being more diligent and self governing.


Today Shahid El (high honors to him) was demonstrating on how salvation is like a Lifeguard at a beach. When people start drowning, a Lifeguard jumps in the water and saves the person. Well there is NO ONE to save me, or any of us for that matter. The only reason we are drowning is because the lower self is dragging us down and putting weight on us. So to counter that, your Higher Self has to be the Lifeguard and jump in and save you. Only YOU can save YOU.


Jesus said: " What I have done, all men CAN do".


Keyword is CAN. It has to be your will though. That's the beauty of it all.



Peace