Just what I'm feeling.

I just got into a big argument with my grandfather about my cell phone usage. I went over and he got charged an extra $100. So I tell him it's no biggie and that I'll pay him back Wednesday when I get my check($4000) on Wednesday. I also explained that I understood that what I did was irresponsible, but that from here all we can do is look to solutions and not dwell on what happened. He kept trying to point out that it wasn't the first time it's happened and blah blah blah. And I kept telling him that there are 2 problems that we have right now:

1. I was irresponsible about my cell phone usage again.
2. He got charged an extra $100.


So I told him that I acknowledged my fault and understood that what I did was wrong. Which I thought took care of problem 1. And then I told him I'd pay the money back on Wednesday. Which I thought took care of problem 2. He on the other hand, tried to tell me that the money that I'm getting is "for school" and that I shouldn't be "wasting it". And then he tried to insists that I didn't go over my minutes on accident. I had to kinda aggressively burn him out on that, cas that's just a frivolous claim that he couldn't prove at all. So I brought up the fact that no on supported me at all when I tried to go to college(university), but now that I'm getting some money, they're all trying to tell me to save my money for school. It's disgusting. It's like, "We won't help you get there, but we're gonna try and tell you what to do with your money". I also told him that he had no right to tell me what to do with my money, especially seeing as though he didn't help me go to college in the first place. It's not like I'm saying "You can't give me any advice or guidance". But don't try and tell me specific things on what not to spend money on, that's a violation of privacy and really not cool. People have to make mistakes anyways, so that they can learn from them. Then the whole conversation switched into me having to live at home.


He started bring up how he pays all the bills and keeps the household running smoothly. My question to him is, "Who should be doing that?" Me? He's the "Man of the House" and with that comes authority and power, so I'm sure a few bills shouldn't be a problem. Gotta pay the cost to be the boss right? That's how I see it for the most part anyways. Then I brought up how no one in the house wants to be there. I wish I was in off in college, my grampa wishes he didn't have to be here, my gramma wishes she could leave my grampa and move out, and my uncle (grampas brother) wishes he could go back to his home in New Orleans. So I explained that none of us want to be here in the first place. And he acts as though I'm here by choice when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. I also brought up how my gramma co-signed for my cousin on a loan for $14,000 so she could stay in school (UCSB) and that no one would co-sign for me. And the only person that managed to talk me out of moving out as soon as I got my money was my mom (the only person I can logically talk to sometimes).


In some cases I don't think there's anything wrong with living your parents after High School, however, we observe in nature that when birds get a certain age, they leave the nest. Birds don't just stay with the parents after they're grown. I think it's healthy to leave and live on your own, having freedom and independence. And on the contrary, I think it's unhealthy to stay at home and not go off and be on your own. Unless you live at home, but you have a car, then it's different because you have freedom to go and do your own thing. But in my eyes, living at home + no car + after high school = HELL. I'd rather work a 40 hour week and pay $1000 for rent than to pay no rent and live at home and not work. But in my case, it's clear that there is a clear attempt from keeping me from going too far away. I know this simply because when I told my grampa that I wanted to go to Howard (Washington DC) he said, " You ain't never been to Washington, you don't know nobody, how you gonna make it out there?" Notice that he NEVER mentioned the costs at all. So his concern is me not having any freedom/independence. My mom feels the same way as he does.


So anyways in conclusion, I have an extremely dysfunctional family that is in part causing me to want to get the hell out of California as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Logically or Illogically. I don't really care at this point. I was telling Kaila how I thought about just taking my money and leaving for a while. That doesn't sound so bad right now. Trust me, if I had a normal, non-dysfunctional family, this post wouldn't be necessary. Keyword there is IF.


Peace